Inadequate

Yesterday, I was feeling like a terrible Mother.  I'm never home with my child when I should be and I feel like she doesn't like me as much as she does others (I'm sure she does)...  Maybe it was just pregnancy hormones or something, but I was dealing with this in a terrible way.  I felt frustrated and degraded/downgraded.  Most of you don't know, but Jaron has had a hard time finding suitable stable work and without a degree in anything yet it's hard to be supportive.  The economy isn't very forgiving of the middle class that Jaron and I fall into.  We make too much for state assistance and we make too little to really have excess.  I had a moment of resentment to him for not being who I needed him to be so I could be home with the child and almost children.
Then I had a moment of doubt thinking that I'll be working for the rest of my life.  I desperately want to be there for my children, but I also need a place to live.  I have a stable, good paying job and I know that in the profession that I'm in I will always have this job.  My husband works extremely hard and he's still trying to figure out what to go into, but it's not something that's easy.  School was easy for me, but I already knew I wanted to play with prescription drugs all day.
I thought about my life and the way I was raised.  I grew up in a single parent home where my mother worked day in and day out to provide for us and even though we didn't have everything we had what we needed.  I realized that not everyone in my family has experienced the same situations that I have, but I'm grateful to my mother.  After I realized that I still love her even though she worked everyday I understood that my child will probably feel the same about me.  I make good money, enough to be able to afford a good home loan when we decide to act upon that.  So for now, I will continue to work as a mother even though it kills me to leave my baby everyday to be cared by someone else.  I'm eternally grateful to my Mother in law, Shaula who has helped me through a lot.  As well as our paid babysitter, Sarah who has taught Abby the importance of kindness and patience.  She wouldn't be who she is today without them.  So Thank you!
Everyday I will try to rely on my knowledge of the gospel to get through this.  Unfortunately I don't want to go into too much detail about my husband, but there is a reason he's taken his time figuring out what to do.  I pray for strength that I can be there for him and I think there is a reason that I married him.  Probably because most days I don't mind working, in fact, I enjoy it.
Thanks for reading. I know my weaknesses now and I have learned a lot in a short period of time.