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Saturday, February 16, 2013

Tempers-A mother's worst nightmare

Okay, maybe not worst nightmare, but it can be if you aren't sure how to deal with that crazy look in your child's eyes and their loud screaming for attention.

I thought about taking a video of my child during this time to show just how dramatic life can seem to a 3 year old.  Then I am reminded of a video a few months back about s child who refused to put her dishes in the sink without a fit. The parents were judged about how they didn't raise their child right, blah, blah, blah. You mothers our there know she's loved and the poor thing was just tired and didn't understand or it's just her age and she was trying to show her "authority."

This is the case of my young and beautiful three year old. She throws her biggest fits to get what she wants and to try to figure out her boundaries. Somedays I feel like all I have listened to is screaming and there have been days I've lovingly locked myself in another room so I can think properly. Does that make me a bad parent? Does my 3 year old throwing fits make me a terrible mother?

In the past, I probably wouldn't have given myself a break when I have asked those hard questions. I have come to realize something very important in child's life. Abigal was a nicu baby and had a very independent personality from the very beginning. Refused to breastfeed and at just eight weeks I worked again. For whatever reason as a newborn she didn't want to be cuddled by me, she loves her daddy. For some reason, her and I never grew a strong bond until years later. Basically, she is very independent and her fits used to be because she couldn't figure out how to do something. Since Brooklyn entered this world Abigal's fits are more geared to mommy and daddy not doing everything for her like they do for Brooklyn.  Typical behavior.

Most of the time I just let her scream and throw her fits and I just ignore her behavior until she stops. There are some where this tactic doesn't work. I just try to communicate with her to try to stop the unreasonable behavior. Then there are the occasional ones where the only course of action is time alone in her bedroom until she can calm down.

Am I bad mother? Heavens no!! Do I feel like I am sometimes?  Especially during her tempers, yes. Even during those I am still not a bad mother. I just have a really passionate and independent girl. Those are also her best qualities and I hope that through those years of listening to the loudest screaming you can imagine that I can instill confidence in her life. That she will know without a doubt that her parents love her and that she is a beautiful girl with wonderful qualities.

From an extremely colicy newborn to terrible threes we can make it through. Even if we need to shut ourselves in a different room for just thirty seconds of peace and quiet.

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